BIG days.
26 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Today turned out surprisingly good. I mean, it had its really shitty sides but all in all, it got through. Thus, the title BIG days. It’s my 2nd day on field and somehow I find myself enjoying the driving and the alone time—less the stupid policemen who seem to have nothing else to do than catch harmless drivers like me. (I mean seriously, you guys are fuckin’ rich enough ripping off people!). I did enjoy my solo lunch at Starbucks (wasn’t really hungry) at the Harbor Square, with the view of the Manila Bay. People get awkward eating alone, especially with such a view, but I absolutely love it. Alone time is like food for the soul.
Anyway, despite the hassles of driving and some frustrations about implementing price increases, I managed to pull through 2 big things today: 1) to be able to get the opportunity to talk to the housekeeping manager whom no one from the team has gotten through for the past 4 years–note that this was also an ambush visit, but she entertained me despite her hectic sked! and 2) to meet the famous owner of the one and only food service account I’m handling and owning up to the challenge of both language barrier (he’s Vietnamese) and his overt admission that he is a difficult customer, coming from the exact same industry and COMPANY that I am now working with. Somewhere in that conversation there was a threat buried that if I didn’t do my job, he could go directly to my boss and to my boss’ boss, but surprisingly enough I didn’t get affected. I mean, I do my job the best I could, and I know I’d be able to defend and justify myself to my boss. At least it’s training ground for me and the assholes of the world.
To cap off my good-turned-better day, I got an email from my boss that I was the one leading in the actual sales as of January. Obviously, half of that was from the previous account owner but oh! It was just nice to see my name in bold as she acknowledged me. I’m sure the entire team knows it but it’s nice to be recognized like that. Good start, 2012.
Caught a feel good rom-com to get a good laugh and it was actually pretty fun! One of those interesting dates, with the windy walk home. We decided to grab a beer–something we haven’t really done together without other company–in some hole in the wall place nearby, just to unwind. 
Speaking of BIG days, January’s gone by so fast! It’s Feb by next week. Can you believe it???? Gosh. And Feb implies one other big thing—V-DAY. I don’t even know what I want. I’ve never really liked or made the effort for Vday coz it’s such a hassle to go with the crowd. But since I’m still feeling it from the romcom I saw and I “randomly” remembered Zac Efron in the New Year’s Eve movie, I decided to make my BIG list for the fun of it….
ALL I WANT FOR VDAY IS…
- A foot popping kiss
- A love letter
- A video dedication
- A slow dance.
- A promise.
- -A surprise that will leave me speechless 
Hahaha! How vague yet predictable can I get right? ‘Tis what I get from being the typical girl, influenced by movies and past experience. I don’t know, it’s not so wrong to make the heart flutter at least once a year right? :p
Bonne Nuit tout le monde. <3
date a guy who dances
16 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Because every story is tied to another…
***
Date a guy who dances. He’s the harmless looking one who always seems caught up in his whole world. The one who looks funnily and adorably cute enough with his baggy shorts/pants and loose shirt, and his occasional chunky shoes. The one who somehow manages to look drop dead amazing in a simple white V-neck, blue jeans, and Vans. He’s the one whose earphones always dangle lazily around his neck, like a sexy loose necktie luring you in. On some days, he’s the one who wears a cap, carefully hiding those busy eyes–not looking around and checking out girls, but picking up inspiration from his surroundings, visualizing how the next thing he sees is going to give him the next brilliant idea. Then, he turns his cap backwards, and when he does that, you know he can only be up to two things: either he’s going to get down to some serious dance business….or he’s ready to charm his way to your heart.
Date a guy who dances. Date the one who doesn’t stay glued to Youtube all night watching porn but instead, watches endless concept videos, pieces and choreographies from all over the world. Date the one who MIGHT check out girls occasionally, but would drool over some new sneakers more. Better yet, date the one who maybe has a lot of girl fans, but dedicates his best choreography pieces to the one who caught his eye–YOU.
If you want to know his world, ask him about his style. Ask him what moves him, and why he chose that style. Beneath that choice lies his layers of experience–his path towards discovering himself, discovering what he can do, discovering what else he wants to do. Talk to him about the styles you see on reality TV and ask him what he thinks. Tell him what YOU think. He will gladly share his perspective and welcome your fresh perspective. Don’t hesitate give your opinion. He knows that dance knows no rules, only more ideas to be seen and taken.
He might surprise you with his occasional bursts of movement, in the oddest places at the oddest times–lining up for McDonald’s, inside the train at rush hour, at the mall while shopping with you. He’s kinesthetic by default, restless as creativity invades his being. Forgive him when his eyes begin to stare off into space while you’re talking. He’s running after that fleeting concept that just crossed his mind. Smile at him tenderly when he comes back to the moment. You can be sure that the next piece he makes is inspired by you.
Watch him dance. In every step, he reveals his story, his hardships, his victories. Watch him as he grooves to the beat of his own heart. Catch him lose his breath, and you’ll find you’re losing yours too. Make it to his every performance, because every show will tell a different story. And though he might not catch your eye or see you in the crowd, every intent gaze to the dark audience is meant for you–every smirk, a secret message to you.
Do not expect fancy dinner dates in tux, or glamourous party nights at the club. He’ll probably insist on wearing his sneakers if he wore a tux, and he’d rather sweat at the studio than at the club. Be ready to wait because training takes long, rehearsals even longer. Understand that 5 minutes can be the longest and most important 5 minutes of his life. Be there on those precious moments. If you can share those minutes with him, then he’ll share the rest of his life with you.
Date a guy who dances because he’ll teach you how to listen without having to say anything: how to listen to the soft murmurs of your heart as he pulls you closer, and to the faint fluttering in your stomach as he tucks your hair behind your ear. How to decipher which hand squeeze means “I’m sorry”, and which means “I’m just here.” How a touch can speak volumes and a gaze, promise commitment. He’ll teach you to forget logic and listen to imagination. He’ll teach you how to let the body speak for itself and yourself. And most of all, date a guy who dances because he’ll teach you how to listen to the things you’ve taken for granted–the dreams you once had, the passion you’ve seemingly chosen to hide–and more importantly, show you how to begin once more.
If you want a world beyond beyond words, a love beyond verbal imagination, date a guy who dances. Date a guy who dances because I have, and I tell you, it’s been an incredible adventure.
<3
date a girl who dances
14 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in happiness, inspiration
This post was inspired by the various posts like Date a girl who reads, Date a girl who writes, and more importantly, date a girl who Dances. Mine probably won’t give justice to the eloquence of the previous writers, but in my own little way, I wanted to share my thoughts. Enjoy!
***
Date a girl who dances. Date a girl who spends her money shuffling through the musty racks of thrift stores trying to find the biggest pair of sweatpants, the type she can easily grab when she’s feeling the beat. Find the girl who will leave your closet half-empty as she uses all your big shirts for practice, rolling up the sleeves, cutting up big arm holes or low necklines to show some skin. And notice that while the other girls squeal over whopping percentage discounts over make-up, heels and dresses, you’ll find her ogling at the Vans/Adidas/Nike store, caressing sneakers the way a pianist would caress the ivory keys.
Let her in on all your latest music finds. She will appreciate it even if you share the strangest rock sounds or the unexpected indie beat, as opposed to her usual sounds. Bear with her SYTYCD fanatic moments and watch it with her even if you don’t understand what’s happening. It would mean the world to her. Wipe her tears away and hug her when she sheds tears watching contemporary pieces. She has just experienced a catharsis that she can only express through another dance, for words would not be enough.
She’s the girl who will suddenly bust into a move, no matter where you guys are. Love her for it; those spontaneous bursts are fleeting diamonds in the rough. Have patience with her attachment to her iPod or to YouTube. Music is her oxygen and choreographies, her source of vision. When she closes her eyes in the middle of your conversation, pause. It doesn’t mean she isn’t listening; in fact, she was probably paying enough attention to be inspired with a vision for her next piece.
Don’t get insecure with the way she goes gaga over male choreographers and dancers. She may gush at the way he glides on the floor, or the way twists his head sexily. This represents a layer of admiration for choosing dance as his channel of expression. Find time to watch those guys and learn from them. They are poets in their own right, romancing with every stride.
Watch her dance. She may not notice you as she falls into the trance of her turns and lines, but watch her. In her every step, she reveals a part of her soul that you would never find no matter how deep you can engage her into a conversation. Make it to her every performance, because every show will tell a different story. She may not catch your eye or even see you in the crowd, but know that somewhere within her piece, she probably just told the world your story together.
If you are unsure on how she feels about you, observe her intently. Follow her body language as she sways to the cadence of the song. You can discover so much about her emotions- her happiness, her conflicts, her pain, her love. And if she asks for your private audience to comment on her latest piece–grab the chance. She has just invited you to the secret that is her world, all 3-5 minutes that was and is her life.
Do not expect her to remember all your dates, or show up on time. She will often still be engrossed in perfecting her piece as the clock strikes in time for your date. In the case she IS done perfecting her piece, have the patience as she prepares for the date. She’s not taking forever putting on makeup or choosing her outfit; she’s probably taking a few more minutes visualizing a piece in the shower. Somehow, running water helps with the visions. In many occasions, you will have to pick her up from her studio and wait until she is satisfied with her piece. You might even end up spending your date time at the studio instead. That’s okay, just grab take-out and bring her dinner. She will gladly wolf down the chinese take-out or the french fries you got her after being famished with her intense rehearsals. On your movie date, offer your shoulder for her to rest on. Kiss her on her forehead if she falls asleep during the movie from her all-day rehearsal. She will cuddle to the warmth and softness that is you; a change from the hard wooden floors she spent all day on.
You will probably be relieved that she doesn’t talk a lot like most girls. Dancers tend to keep words to themselves. But don’t get frustrated over the fact that she doesn’t seem to be a sweet talker, even if the occasion demands it. She lives by the principle actions speak louder than words, and in this case, action would be the dance. Don’t expect to understand and be capable to interpret her movement. Not even other dancers can interpret what one choreography is meant for. But as with the girl who writes, expect her to love you with the passion that is equal or eve more than what you give her, for passion runs in her veins.
Most of all, if you find a girl who dances, take her dancing! It doesn’t matter if you can’t move to save your life, or if you don’t really know her style. The effort to enter her world of imagination is the best way to her heart. Don’t be afraid to ask her to teach you or better yet, don’t be afraid to move when she does teach you. She understands that every step is a journey, and she will be more than glad to join you in that path–the beginning of a great adventure together, the rhythm of your love.
If you want a world beyond words, a love beyond verbal imagination, date a girl who dances. Date with the girl who dances because with her, life would be simply inexplicable.
The Best of 2011
31 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
THE BEST OF 2011
A love affair with the minions - Alegre Resort, Cebu Island. We started the year with a family bang by unwinding on the shores of Alegre–where the beach sand isn’t great but the view is fabulous! 2 nights of family R&R to start the year right with the family. It’s one of the good things we had worth treasuring considering the unexpected turn out of events in the latter part of the year.
Fairy Godmotherin’ Time- I became a first-time Ninang to my cousin, Baby Joy, this year. This automatically credited me to being a slightly overbearing cousin by wanting to spoil her rich. She’s just too adorable, how can I resist?!?! I really love that kid like crazy. Can’t wait for her to start speaking this year!
Dancipation 2011- MY BEST ACCOMPLISHMENT SO FAR. I willingly give myself a pat on the back for this because I feel that I changed lives here with that tiny gesture of sharing my passion and love. It’s my best also because this is one of my dreams that I made happen. I may have started small but the fact that I took it that first step is amazing. Plus, I’ve come to realize that it REALLY runs in my blood to have a special place in my heart for these kids. Someday, I’ll pursue that path again in a bigger scale, promise.
5J Adventures- CDO, Davao, Cebu are among the few places brought to me by the happiest airline in the Philippines. But more than those destinations, my adventures comprise of standing for an entire day in 3 consecutive days, answering queries of people no matter how repetitive they are (thanks to PTAA!), handling trade fairs, dancing for the Commercial team (BALLET, can you believe it?!?!). Handling project Jordan was also crazy intense but I did reap a lot of good memories handling those projects. From manually counting 3,000 pieces of GCs, to deliveries, to meetings and to the fun lunches in between, there’s some good memories worth treasuring there. Not to mention AIRPORT JUAN memories! They will always be classics.
June 16, Starbucks Fort- When my past and my present collided under one roof. I put this under best of 2011 because from here, everything unfolded and I ended up making one of the better decisions of 2011. Of course, it was a tough thing to deal with but hindsight, no matter how hard the struggle, I emerged victorious. I’d like to think that the 2nd time around, I still made the right decisions. I had to accept certain casualties involved, but I know myself enough to say, it’s one of the great decisions of 2011.
Skyway walk- Who would’ve thought that June 23 of 2011 would be one of the highlights of my big girl adventures? That on a very stormy evening where flood and rain were everywhere, I would dare brave to get off my parked taxi and WALK down the skyway/highway? I got home soaked to the bone but alive and well. I think God guided me into wearing flats and pants that fateful day, just so I could get some protection somehow. Longest walk of my life to date, but bravest in the record. I’ll never forget that fear conquering moment.
Singapore “Dance Tour”: First out of country trip alone, and on a whim! (Sorta). Taking a Brian Puspos class despite being completely out of dance training for 2 months or so. Getting lost in Little India. Exploring Singapore in a day by riding through all lines of the very efficient but large train. Meeting family and friends. Crazy!!!
DaRoots Boracay (plus other daroots moments): Imagine a myriad of personalities coming together for a Boracay escape–a dancer, a sales person, a nurse, an IT guy, a lawyer and a manager. The result? Badgering a very annoying guy trying to sales pitch is to something as nasty crazy as networking (in a sense), food trip, gazillion photos, pre-nup shoots, alcoholic shakes, early sleep times, lots and lots of walking, lots of swimming and lots of hiding away from the sun…..but the best of them all–shooting a concept vid to SUPERBASS on the last morning before our flight, complete with the beach shore effect. I haven’t seen that video actually, but I think I’d rather not. Hahaha! Of course, we also have the karaoke, dinner, Mcdo sessions that still survived in 2011 despite having busy schedules.
Marketing Reunions – Even in the year of 2011…we still party hard. Haha! Because of course, who else should lead the crowd other than the masters themselves, Jordan and Robin? The duo’s parties were one of the highlights if you talk to me about reunions. Classic crazy fun. <3
Cosmo Bachelor Bash 2011- VIP Tickets c/o Project Jordan. VIP was obviously jampacked as well, but this night wasn’t so bad. On top of the yummy guys we saw, I got to actually meet new friends here and mingle with a client/colleague outside of the workzone. One of the better benefits of the corporate side.
The Send Off - I’m not saying this as the best at all because if any, this is one of the worsts of 2011. But I suppose this deserves to be in this list because I came to realize the value of my brother Paolo when he left. Consequently, I had to prep myself up to break the habit of knowing he was just around. We don’t talk a lot but there was always some strange comfort knowing that he was just in the other room. Or that someone would open up for me if ever I left my keys at home (case in point, I left my key on the first day my parents left for Europe and I totally forgot he was no longer here!). Or that I could share intellectual moments while watching Discovery. Or someone would pull off a really funny line that puts me as the butt of the joke but it’s okay because I find it funny when he cracks it anyway. It’s a hard habit to break and I really wish he were here given the situation in the family, but hey. This is part of my big girl adventures training so I guess I could say it’s part of the best. Let’s hope one of the best of 2012 will include a visit to Vancouver.
Request Concert- They left me speechless, what else can I say? The Request Crew concert, which I attended on a whim, was the CRAZIEST that I’ve seen so far. I’ve never seen such good FEMALE dancers that totally blew my mind and even left me a bit shaky about my gender preference (hahahaha). They are also one of the biggest reasons my 2012 resolution includes getting back to dancing. One of my idols, Reimy, apparently has no formal training. That’s just wild if it’s true. I’m going to use them to push myself harder by this year so my inspiration will materialize. It better!
One K-C- The ever so fortunate and incredible opportunity that materialized. ‘Nuff said.
T&S Adventures : Bacolod, Bicol, Boracay….Balawan and Bingapore!!! Hahaha. Unexpected turn of events for the year–never thought I’d travel this much in a year! 
Not to mention all the different food trips I had. This is largely the reason why I have grown 3X my size in 2011. But for the sake of this best of 2011, forget diets/overweights, they were all good! From sweets to delicacies to exotic food (say woodWORM!) and Filipino faves (say laing, inasal and tinapa rice with me). I think this was also an intense test that we go through. On top of big girl adventures, the T&S adventures taught me how to be a big girl even in the most challenging interpersonal circumstances.
That’s it pansit!!! I know there are a lot more good times in between but I chose to pick out the best (and the worst) to show what 2011 brought about. These were the lessons that made me who I am now,as with all the other bests from the previous years.
Here’s to the awesome times of 2012, and championing 2012! Long weekends, new work, new adventures, friends coming back home… We’re gonna rock the world of 2012.
dear stranger.
26 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Dear stranger.
Hello! Nice to meet you. Thanks for the time to listen. My closest friends are somewhere enjoying their day that I can’t find the heart to actually strike up a conversation with them to tell them about my situation. On that note, if I can’t bring myself to talk to my closest friends and those I consider best friends, maybe they aren’t really what I consider them to be. Or maybe there’s something wrong with me? I guess I prefer to talk to you, since I don’t have to deal with any judgment. I don’t have to endure any stigma about being the emo person friends now just ignore in groups. Or the gf who has excessive baggage and constantly displaces her frustrations into the relationship. Or the daughter who continues to be provoke and push family to their limits.
So, since you’re here, thanks again for listening. If you don’t mind, advice isn’t something I’m looking for right now. I just really need someone to listen with all the shit that’s going on, coz I feel like I’m imploding every day that I wake up. I am amazed by my ability to cope and survive the day, but it’s a defense mechanism I know might struggle along.
You know what stranger? I feel like I’m going crazy. And this is the most alone that I have ever felt since my suicidal days. This definitely beats post break up days too. At least the pain was a solid numbing pain that I had to endure. Now, I’m just plain afloat with this incredibly inexplicable numbing pain . I survive, but I feel like my mind is bleeding to death. I feel like I am internally and emotionally bleeding and no one seems to get it.
my brother left for canada. my eldest brother made me a subject of emotional and verbal abuse. my parents are now freaking out over that discovery and even more shocked that it isn’t the first time of violence. my best friends don’t have a fuckin’ clue (though I admit I’m to blame for that). My boyfriend can’t handle me. And to the rest of the world, life goes on.
I don’t know what to do. Everyone just expects me to find my way. It’s a solo journey as they say. I could really use a damn loaded gun right now, if only to make it stop. Ha-ha. Pathetic attempt to go back to that huh.
Imploding like crazy. Burning into a black hole. Save me…
epic.
25 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
For the first time in all my 24 years as a December baby, I will give this statement:
I’M SO GLAD CHRISTMAS IS OVER.
Here’s to:
- missing my brother who’s in Canada
- being incomplete and at each other’s throats
- having an estranged brother
- crying my heart and guts at 2AM in the morning of Christmas Eve
- waking up with puffy eyes
- sleeping the entire afternoon
- dressing up for some supposed Christmas Party theme then coming as the only one in costume
- getting called “Adele” with the whole black and bun get-up
- now getting nicknamed HUGE, instead of FAT. (applause please, they’ve graduated from fat)
- another strange Christmas party with the most annoying comments ever
- total rejection from my mom
- having to stomach everyone watch him like he’s some Santa Claus in the house. Having to stomach the way people put him up in a pedestal while I knew what he’s really worth.
- pretending like everything is okay when it’s really not.
So glad this weekend is over and done with. Nothing to savor over there, not even sense of “family”. Screw that.
Major shock mode for a December baby huh? Now let’s get shuffling past new year, shall we.
this christmas
23 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
So, it’s Christmas Eve. Well, not YET Eve, but pretty much the next best thing. Christmas this year doesn’t feel like it usually does. I saw a question on Twitter asking the world if they felt Christmas this year or if everyone was getting too busy already. I wouldn’t say I got too busy–the days of Christmas are just really off in 2011. Not to mention, there’s world war 1 happening at home and the peacemaker is now in Canada. There’s not much to look forward to at home; it’s just kind of stepping on broken glass right now. Things are still being glued back together…or taking another form all together.
Work has been fun. I said the same thing last year about my old company, I know. I guess I’m optimistic in that way–ironically. But I’ve managed to get a glimpse of expectations during the 3 day planning session and coming from a place with no sense of direction, I say this time’s doing much much better. I’ve got no reason to screw things up here coz they’re providing me with almost everything–tools and support. I’ve got no other reason than to make it happen. So 2012, get ready!
I’m being followed around by that idea. It’s been crazy this December. I don’t know if I’m over thinking it but seriously, I seem to encounter it everywhere. It’s practically feels like it’s speaking out to me or something. And today I really experienced something weird with it. It slammed right into the middle of a precious moment and for the first time, it came through. It normally doesn’t happen in those situations but it did, and the scary part was, I felt that surge of emotion run through me. My mind digested it even in that moment, prodding me to ask a very random but loaded question. I caught myself before the momentum rolled down even further, but he picked right through. And heart-wrenchingly enough, he released words that zeroed in exactly on what I was thinking. It sent shudders down my spine, having that millisecond of a connection on such a bittersweet thing. Am I ready to deal with it in 2012? Or am I going to continue at this rate?
Better prepare my best of 2011 soon enough.
Merry Christmas!
violence
05 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
No one treats me like shit and gets away with it.
Forget blood is thicker than water. There’s been blood! I have never been disrespected in my entire life, in all my 24 years.
Anong pinagmamalaki ko?? Bakit ikaw, tangina mo, anong pinagmamalaki MO?!
I am tired of all the emotional and physical abuse I got from you ever since. I used to put up with it before because you always begged for my forgiveness but this time, no you won’t get it. You can cry blood out of your eyes but you will NOT GET ANYTHING. And it was about time I showed what you really are to the rest of the people concerned. It shattered their worlds you know? More than you telling them that fucked up news 2 years ago. You passed that one off for a mistake. You don’t get to pass this one off as another one. Caught red-handed, with fat juicy proof against you. You will tell me that I will regret this for the rest of my life–well, so will you.
I’m done with all your threats and all your violence. And it is about time the rest saw that you have a FUCKIN’ PROBLEM.
You can claim all the attitude problem you want. I will own up to the disrespect and provocation. But you will forever be tainted by what you have said, by the words you have released. You will carry that bigger guilt of ruining what they worked so hard for, because YOU CHOSE YOUR WORDS. And I will make sure that NO ONE WILL EVER FORGET IT.
They will forgive you, yes, but you will forever carry that guilt of showing them that they somehow created a MONSTER despite their best efforts. And it is what will kill them. And while it will kill me to see what is happening to them, I know that this is the RIGHT CHOICE. They deserved to know. And if I had an even blacker heart than I give myself credit for, I would’ve ruined you with the rest of the people involved.
All you have worked for, all the shitty money you’re earning, that glory and success you brag about will be reduced to NOTHING. Because your words reflect that you do not deserve to be called ANYTHING WORTH BEING PROUD OF. You can burn the millions and be the most successful man on earth but your CHARACTER will determine you worth. And guess what asshole, YOU JUST SHOWED YOUR WORTH.
This is for all the hits you inflicted on me that I forgave. For all the emotional abuse that you begged sorry for. For the times you pleaded as mistakes but continuously repeated. You can count every single thing that you gave me, and take them back. Your good deeds will never be enough to compensate how fucked up you are.
proud.
20 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
On an additional note, today is November 20. Exactly a year ago, I cried my fuckin’ heart out again because of you. And then I learned to forgive you. Today, after everything that’s happened in that year, I realize why it’s more than worth it that I chose to FORGET you and get rid of you in my life.
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