dear stranger.
26 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Dear stranger.
Hello! Nice to meet you. Thanks for the time to listen. My closest friends are somewhere enjoying their day that I can’t find the heart to actually strike up a conversation with them to tell them about my situation. On that note, if I can’t bring myself to talk to my closest friends and those I consider best friends, maybe they aren’t really what I consider them to be. Or maybe there’s something wrong with me? I guess I prefer to talk to you, since I don’t have to deal with any judgment. I don’t have to endure any stigma about being the emo person friends now just ignore in groups. Or the gf who has excessive baggage and constantly displaces her frustrations into the relationship. Or the daughter who continues to be provoke and push family to their limits.
So, since you’re here, thanks again for listening. If you don’t mind, advice isn’t something I’m looking for right now. I just really need someone to listen with all the shit that’s going on, coz I feel like I’m imploding every day that I wake up. I am amazed by my ability to cope and survive the day, but it’s a defense mechanism I know might struggle along.
You know what stranger? I feel like I’m going crazy. And this is the most alone that I have ever felt since my suicidal days. This definitely beats post break up days too. At least the pain was a solid numbing pain that I had to endure. Now, I’m just plain afloat with this incredibly inexplicable numbing pain . I survive, but I feel like my mind is bleeding to death. I feel like I am internally and emotionally bleeding and no one seems to get it.
my brother left for canada. my eldest brother made me a subject of emotional and verbal abuse. my parents are now freaking out over that discovery and even more shocked that it isn’t the first time of violence. my best friends don’t have a fuckin’ clue (though I admit I’m to blame for that). My boyfriend can’t handle me. And to the rest of the world, life goes on.
I don’t know what to do. Everyone just expects me to find my way. It’s a solo journey as they say. I could really use a damn loaded gun right now, if only to make it stop. Ha-ha. Pathetic attempt to go back to that huh.
Imploding like crazy. Burning into a black hole. Save me…
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